Under the shadow of His wings

Can I express to you how over I am of this whole stage of life?! I just get tired of the whole dating, wondering if this time it's going to work out, letting yourself be known and then having to make the break from that deal. I guess in a weird roundabout way it would be likened to the Israelites looking for the Messiah...is this him...? Close match, but not quite it. I'm ready for this process to be over. Perhaps it makes us stronger, perhaps we learn more. I'm just not sure how God intended for relationships to be in this day and age. We are supposed to love, to give of ourselves yet being wise in that, but if something goes haywire than you find yourself at a loss.
Through everything, I've been learning how much I do process through writing, or talking with someone. I always knew that the writing process always helped me to think more clearly, but I've been learning how much of a girl I am in needed to process through talking too. For some reason, knowing how I deal with things on my own a lot and need "my space" (not to be confused with myspace :), I guess I assumed that I didn't need people as much. Not true.
On another note, I was planning on going to Rwanda this summer, though it was unofficial, meaning not announced, but I think that I may back down. Two reasons: One I'm thinking about buying a house or condo in the very near future. Two, I need to continue to work on becoming more of who God intended me to be, work on the areas that need growth. Not that I couldn't go now and work through that process in this, but I think that to be the kind of leader that they want me to be, co-leading that group, I need to work on some things. Basically, I'm not sure if this is the right timing for going. I'll have to have a chat with Dan and Emmanuel later. It's hard and humbling to do so, but I know that I want to be like Christ, and need to strengthen my walk with Him even more so that the fruit that is produced reflects him even greater than I could do on my own. I just want the fragrance and love of Christ to be seen so brightly that I have to even wear a veil like Moses so that it is even approachable.
God has been speaking to me today in the midst of everything. While I was on the return route of my run, the sun was shining and as I looked over to a nearby wall, I saw the reflection of a bird flying overhead. God spoke to me at that moment and told me that he was hiding me in the shadow of his wings, his protection and care were over me. This brought great comfort! Then after my shower I was looking out my window into the backyard. Out looking for food in the ground were two small birds. Again God spoke to me. He reminded me of the passage where Jesus is talking about birds. He said, "They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!" Lk.12:24 God watches over us and takes great care of us. We have nothing to worry about for tomorrow we will find God walking with us once again, just as he is today, providing all that is needed for life and godliness!