Tears. Tears are good.

Tonight I cried. The emotions are still somewhat fresh, and prompted I probably could cry pretty easily now also. So what happened? Good question.
In a previous post I wrote about joking with the balance of wisdom in the midst of it. Often we play off each other at work, though it is also easy to get carried away with it. There was an inside joke going on that all but one, maybe two people understood that were present tonight. The one that didn't understand also has other underlying issues going on that I won't go into here as it's not my place to share. As a few of us were joking with another co-worker tonight, there was one that got very upset and we had to have a discussion, a group of us with the supervisor, one irate at the rest of us.
Usually my emotions are in check, especially with the medication I take to help balance me out, but tonight after it was over I just couldn't hold in the tears. I had to leave the department. None of what happened tonight was the real reason for her anger and frustration, but her misunderstanding and our lack of wisdom perhaps set it off. She said some low, mean things to us, to me. It hurt, one, to be brought in to this whole mess and then two, to be told that even though we're (I'm) supposedly "educated", (which I do have a degree, but that doesn't mean I know everything or cease to be human) are acting this way, in a way that only (apparently) uneducated people act. Mostly it hurt because though it is "her" issue, it's mine as well. No, I can not be responsible for how another person responds or reacts, but I can be above reproach, Lord willing, in my actions. It hurts to know I added to a fire even though it wasn't meant.
People all around us look through different lenses. It's easy to get caught up in our own vision of things, but there are different ways of looking and approaching things, approaching life.
So, a bit afterwards I went to take my last break for the day. In the break room was the one I wasn't yet ready to see after crying. So, I grabbed my things from the break room, and went to my locker. There I sat on the bench and said, "God, what do I do? I'm not ready to face her yet, but I just don't know what to do." You know what God told me? He told me, "Go talk with her". I didn't think I was ready, but went anyway because God is wise, not me. Back in that break room, I sat across from her and said, "I'm sorry for offending you." or said something to that affect, but though I thought I could be strong, I broke down again. We talked, and I think God was able to restore what was broken. She cried too and embraced me, which was priceless. The others were still upset, and now I'm in the middle between the parties, but the tears were good. Why? Tears were good because humility is good, and I want to be broken so that I can be filled with God alone who makes our lives complete. Tears are good, because if we allow them, they can change us into better, wiser people. Tears are good, because the Lord can use them to bring reconciliation.
I can't make the things in the one we upsets heart and mind to be where it should be, and to grow in this. However, I can change so that I can be Christ, or reflect Christ to her too. Even if I didn't do anything necessarily "wrong", I still can be conformed more into the image of God and therefore, with God's grace, reflect Him ever more.
Author Anne Lamott said this:
"The thing about light is that is really isn't yours; it's what you gather and shine back. And it gets more power from reflectiveness; if you sit still and take it in, it fills your cup, and then you can give it off yourself."

That's exactly it! The thing is that if I want to reflect Christ I need to be in His presence, because "it's what you gather and shine back". He is light, and in Him is found no darkness. I want to reflect light, His light!