Control

One day, a few days prior to today, God and I walked along the streets in Portland. We talked about life with each step taken. God showed me areas of my life where I struggle for control. It was a bit shocking to me as I don't see myself in that light. When I think of people with control issues I think of those who drive and have to be in front of another car, or yell to make their point clear. I think of those who have to have the last word in arguments. So to see a way in which I attempt to control my life without even realizing it cognitively on the front of my mind is something new to me. God gave me the ability to love people and to encourage. I don't take that lightly. However, God shined his light on how I at times use that to cause people to respond in a certain way. When you come right down to it, it could be seen in the light of a sort of manipulation. Usually, I'd say that my intentions were sincere, but there are definite times when I am looking to provoke a certain response in people. The problem is motive. Not only that, but people don't always receive what I give to be in the light of an offering of love as it was meant. People have different love languages, and even if you speak to them in that language, too much can prove to be a bad thing.
The theme of the week was exactly that. Control, seeing that I do in fact have issues with that even though I thought it wasn't a problem for me, and beginning to learn what it looks like to let go.
As I got up this morning, an inspiring thought crossed my mind. What if I could get Sarge, my dad's boxer, to pull me on my skateboard? That could be a fun adventure! I continued to get ready for church after envisioning this situation. The service this morning was on the same topic I have been working through this week, and was based off the scripture of James 4:1-12.
"God, you've shown me where I need to let go. So what does that look like?" I asked.
After church, I grabbed my longboard, and my camera, and headed over to my parents house to see if their dog just might be willing to pull me along. It worked! And it was fantastic fun!!
When I got home, I ate my lunch and then headed out on another walk with God around NE Portland. After only a couple of blocks of listening for the voice of God, He spoke to me and answered the question that I had earlier at church. Letting go of trying to have control over areas of my life, and allowing Him to take the lead is like being pulled along by Sarge. We just hold on and go for the ride. Sure we have to move the board under us to miss rocks and cracks in the pavement, but the driving force in our movement is the one in front of us. If we have our hands holding on to something else, such as a heavy ball and chain, while trying to keep balance as we're heading forward, the weight of trying to hold on to something we weren't meant to slows us down and causes unnecessary problems.
If we try to just control our direction and every situation that came across our path, instead of just allowing our selves to go with the One who knows the way, we would soon find ourselves either lost, worn out from exhaustion, or both. However, if we allow our Guide, who already has the terrain marked out, take full leadership we can just go along for the ride and the adventure, finding joy in doing so.
When I think about it, I find it ironic that we, that I would in fact fight for any sort of control. It is like saying that my way is the best, when I don't even know the way to go, or how to find fulfillment in pleasure, in life. Even if I should find a road that would give me temporary control and happiness, it leaves me longing for more. It's a hell of sorts. Having a passion and desire that can never be fully met, and yet not letting go to find that we can have everything we've ever hoped for by humbly giving up control.
God gave the answer to the question at hand. How do we let go and let Him? By just holding on to the cord that connects us to our Master, planting our feet on the wheels that move us forward in faith, and allowing God to fill our hearts, minds, and lives with fulfillment as He takes the control that ultimately belongs to Him anyway. We don't know where we're going. He does.
"What matters is to listen to [God], to let ourselves be guided, to face up to the adventure to which He calls us, with all it's risks. Life is an adventure directed by God." -Paul Tournier
Lord, "Teach us to number our [my] days aright, that we [I] may gain a heart of wisdom." (Psalm 90:12). I give to you full contol, Lord. Be honored in that, I pray. Bring me anything that brings You glory.
...Not my will, but yours be done. Amen.