A woman's heart

This weekend at Lincoln City was really good, and really hard. It was a time that forced me to just be with God and not have people (though I wanted it) around me. It made me to look at my heart, my mind, and my actions closer. God and I talked. I told him area of struggle in my life as far as believing goes. In many ways, I've given up because of the root belief that God won't provide and meet my deepest needs in a real way. I figure God is wiser and allows things to happen for a greater purpose. But I find frustration for having my heart and passions and desires go unfulfilled. God fills them, it's true, but there is a longing still there often times.
There was a book sitting at the house I went to this weekend. I picked up and started reading. It's "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge. If it wasn't there already, and didn't have the time to read, I probably wouldn't have done so. However, as I did it showed me a reflection of my heart. I've decided to read the rest of the book and see what it has to say.
Here's what it read:

UNSEEN, UNSOUGHT, AND UNCERTAIN

"I know I am not alone in this nagging sense of failing to measure up, a feeling of not being good enough as a woman. Every woman I've ever met feels it - something deeper than just the sense of failing at what she does. An underlying, gut feeling of failing at who she is. I am not enough, and, I am too much at the same time. Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough, not gracious enough, not disciplined enough. But too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too strong, too opinionated, too messy. The result is Shame, the universal companion of women. it haunts us, nipping at our heels, feeding on our deepest fear that we will end up abandoned and alone.
"After all, if we were better women - whatever that means - life wouldn't be so hard. Right? We wouldn't have so many struggles; there would be less sorrow in our hearts. Why is it so hard to create meaningful friendships and sustain them? Why do our days seem so unimportant, filled not with romance and adventure but with duties and demands? We feel unseen, even by those who are closest to us. We feel unsought - that no one has the passion or the courage to pursue us, to get past our messiness to find the woman deep inside. And we feel uncertain - uncertain what it even means to be a woman; uncertain what it truly means to be feminine; uncertain if we are or ever will be.
"Aware of our deep failings, we pour contempt on our own hearts for wanting more. Oh, we long for intimacy and for adventure; we long to be the Beauty of some great story. But the desires set deep in our hearts seem like a luxury, granted only to those women who get their acts together. The message to the rest of us - whether from a driven culture or a driven church - is try harder."