God First- Oswald Chambers

Put God First in Trust. "Jesus did not commit Himself unto them . . . for He knew what was in man." John 2:24-25
Our Lord trusted no man; yet He was never suspicious, never bitter, never in despair about any man, because He put God first in trust; He trusted absolutely in what God's grace could do for any man. If I put my trust in human beings first, I will end in despairing of everyone; I will become bitter, because I have insisted on man being what no man ever can be - absolutely right. Never trust anything but the grace of God in yourself or in anyone else....

Put God's Trust First. "And whoso receiveth one such little child in my name receiveth Me." Matthew 18:5
God's trust is that He gives me Himself as a babe. God expects my personal life to be a "Bethlehem." Am I allowing my natural life to be slowly transfigured by the indwelling life of the Son of God? God's ultimate purpose is that His Son might be manifested in my mortal flesh.

Pagans in a crisis

In Oswald Chambers' My Utmost for His Highest he says this:

"We act like pagans in a crisis, only one out of a crowd is daring enough to bank his faith in the character of God."

The one thing that is unchanging is the character of God. Do I bank my faith on the character of God? As I continued to think about this, and explore passages of scripture about trust, I started reflecting on different areas of trust in my life. Sure I can trust God's character, but I don't trust the faithfulness of people or their consistency. I know all too well that people are floundering. Like a fish out of water, they twist their bodies one way and then another looking for the source of life. You can't trust that they will stay in one spot unless they lose their life completely. The whole time they are out of water, they are looking for it in order to live and breathe.
As I was talking with God about how I don't trust the consistency of people, he said to me, "Do you trust me? Do you believe that I am faithful to you?" I had to stop my ranting, and think for a moment. "Yes, God you have always been faithful to me. Your character has never changed. So, yes Lord, I trust you." People aren't trustworthy, but God's character is.
Funny how one moment we go from uncertainty, to peace, to questioning again. As I was filling up my coffee cup after this conversation with God I started thinking about how I would respond in a crisis of sorts, how I would react to certain situations. I realized there that I didn't really trust God like I should either. I waver from moment to moment even though I know of and have experienced God's faithfulness, and bank too much on people even though I know the tendencies of mankind, including myself, and find myself hurt now and again by them. Here then, is an area to grow in.

God, grant that I might have more faith, unwavering faith in you.
You alone are trustworthy.

Works of words.

In times gone by, I wrote to process life. It wasn't your normal journaling, but was rather a complexity of poetic description of life, allowing thoughts and pen to return to a place where Hope could be seen again. Every now and again, I still pick up a pen and begin to spell out a few words. Anymore, it's not to work through, or think about life and God, but a way to bless people. Words have always meant a lot to me, and I know that they can be used to bless others.
I just pulled out a book of my writings while in college. It's funny to remember writing some of the things that were created, others not so much, and yet to be able to become reflective again while reading them.
My parents seem to think that I have some kind of gift or ability in writing. If it's true, it would be good to write more. The problem is that I often don't feel that I have anything to write about, that I need a reason or inspiration to compose a work of words. How do you write when you aren't motivated, or when you feel as though you've lost that part of you, the ability?
Well, maybe God can still use me even if, or even though, I find myself where I am. He moves us forward, in whatever means that looks like, in order that His name might be honored.

Building up in Christ

Tonight on my last break at work I went up to the hospital chapel. There in the quiet, I bowed my head in recognition of the greatness of who God is. His gentle holiness surrounded me as a hug, and it was as though the reality of talking with God seemed much more touchable and real. God is amazing and yet, for whatever reason, we can always come to him and share exactly what we are experiencing, walking through, struggling with. Good or bad, he welcomes our us in His presence. Amazing isn't it? I always seem to be amazed at the peace that follows after talking with God, or with just sitting in His presence. It really is what the bible calls "a peace that passes all understanding."
Today I shared a bit of my story over e-mail about some of the struggles I've faced and how God has worked in them and through them. Perhaps the issues themselves were even allowed in God's sovereignty to make me more into who God is making me to be. Sometimes I look at others and it seems that more often than not things just seem to happen for them, that they are blessed, and I'm not to the same degree. It's not true however. I think that God really works on refining those whose hearts truly belong to Him. He must love me an awful lot to continue to refine me though I make a mess of things over and over again.
On June 7th of 2000 while in Portugal, I wrote the following:
"In the Old Testament God puts so much detail into how He wants His dwelling place to be built and then goes into so much detail concerning how they actually did build it. My question is this: Since now the body of Christ is where God dwells, [within the people themselves rather than a building] has He/does He go into such great detail and care in constructing us, making us beautiful and Holy?
"He must care an awful lot."

So, basically my answer to that question then as well as now is yes. God does go even to the depths of who we are, working on all the details of our lives that we might reflect Him in a more beautiful way as His light shines down upon us and through us.
For this I am thankful.

Playing vs. Wisdom

This week has been an interesting one. I've been reading through Proverbs in the Message version of the bible, asking God to bring me back to living more consistently with that way of life. It really is hard to be a part of this world, to be influenced by those around us who may not, and usually don't share what we believe to be true, and yet to be primarily influenced by the wisdom that God gives us through His word.
At work, I have over the last year or so, allowed the part of my personality to come out that is full of joking and having fun. There is nothing wrong with that, especially when it doesn't get in the way of what needs to get done. However, it isn't wise when it is a way to get attention, laughs, or whatever it may be, and when playing has little balance with being mature then this is an area to be looked at and addressed according to wisdom.
So, I've been working on this area of my life specifically the how and when of playing at work. It seems that when we joke around, kindness can easily find it's way out the door. Words reflect what's going on inside, and I want to reflect the Lord. I want to be wise in my speech, in my communication and actions with others, and I want to reflect Ephesians 4:29 which says:
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."
AND
Psalm 19:14
"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
be pleasing in your sight,
O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer."

The week has been interesting in trying to live these verses, because when you have lived in a manner that has been different, more comical and less edifying, it's hard to change when people expect and provoke you to respond in a particular way. When they know you as one thing, but you are trying to be different, and wiser in this case, than you have been then those who know you don't know how to respond or just think that something's wrong.
By Friday I was so tired from the week, and from working on this that by the end of the night, I just put in ear plugs. They went in my ears because I needed to refocus on what was important, and did so because I found it increasingly frustrating to work on this part of my life after being worn down from the week and the people around. It wasn't at all that I didn't care about those around me. Quite the opposite is true! I care deeply about my co-workers.
Perhaps as time goes by, the expectations of people will change and though I can still have fun, I will have, LORD willing, more kindness and words that encourage and build up, with grace for the moment and what is at hand in the mix of everything. Or, there is always the possibility of opting back to old behavioral patterns. I pray that the latter is not true!
I love to laugh, I really do. In fact I have a flower on a chain that sits around my neck always. It's the Plumeria flower, a flower which in Hawaii means happiness. As humans, and probably more specifically as Americans, we tend to live for the goal of happiness, of being happy, of doing what will create that in our lives and help us experience that. God, as a loving father, delights in us being happy, but not when it means living according to our own will rather than in wisdom. When He disciplines it's because we were created to be something that we have walked away from, and so out of His love he teaches us the way that we should go. Sometimes, often perhaps, we say, "screw you, Lord" (figuratively speaking of course), and we go our own way, even if this is a subconscious decision. We end up finding ourselves in darkness. God still is lovingly pursuing us, and though we may find consequences to our actions that are unpleasing to us, it is a result of what we have sown. He would never turn away a soul that sought him, that sought life and forgiveness. Even with that said, He is loving, and wants us to be who we were called to be. If we choose to live in our nature that is contrary to what He'd have, he may still pursue us, but He gives us the freedom to make the choice, whatever choice that may be.
Oswald Chambers said this in regard to this passage of the Bible:
"That you may know the hope to which He has called you...."
Ephesians 1:18
"Remember what you are saved for - that the Son of God might be manifested in your mortal flesh. Bend the whole energy of your powers to realize your election as a child of God; rise to the occasion every time."
That is exactly my aim in trying to work on being wise, which will only come from God's grace poured into my life. The goal is that Jesus would be manifested in me, and that I might reflect Him. Oh, how I need His grace, and love in my life!