Committed to Love

Today I am thankful for the Love of the Lord! Today I am thankful for new experiences and chances to grow! Today I want to love the One to whom I am devoted to, the LORD.
There is a ring that I wear on my right ring finger. Not my left, that remains as it is in case some man should come into my life and commit to me for a life of serving the Lord together. The ring I do wear is one that has been sitting there for a couple of years now. It may sound cheesy to some, but I wear it because it has meaning to me. It reminds me of the One to whom I am devoted, the One I am committed to, the God to whom I give my life. So today, on this over-rated day of "love" that we call Valentines day, I want to make it known to whom I am devoted to, and I want to love God and love His people. Everyday should be Valentines day in that we should make our love to them known. But today, I am recommitting to Love.

Under the shadow of His wings

Can I express to you how over I am of this whole stage of life?! I just get tired of the whole dating, wondering if this time it's going to work out, letting yourself be known and then having to make the break from that deal. I guess in a weird roundabout way it would be likened to the Israelites looking for the Messiah...is this him...? Close match, but not quite it. I'm ready for this process to be over. Perhaps it makes us stronger, perhaps we learn more. I'm just not sure how God intended for relationships to be in this day and age. We are supposed to love, to give of ourselves yet being wise in that, but if something goes haywire than you find yourself at a loss.
Through everything, I've been learning how much I do process through writing, or talking with someone. I always knew that the writing process always helped me to think more clearly, but I've been learning how much of a girl I am in needed to process through talking too. For some reason, knowing how I deal with things on my own a lot and need "my space" (not to be confused with myspace :), I guess I assumed that I didn't need people as much. Not true.
On another note, I was planning on going to Rwanda this summer, though it was unofficial, meaning not announced, but I think that I may back down. Two reasons: One I'm thinking about buying a house or condo in the very near future. Two, I need to continue to work on becoming more of who God intended me to be, work on the areas that need growth. Not that I couldn't go now and work through that process in this, but I think that to be the kind of leader that they want me to be, co-leading that group, I need to work on some things. Basically, I'm not sure if this is the right timing for going. I'll have to have a chat with Dan and Emmanuel later. It's hard and humbling to do so, but I know that I want to be like Christ, and need to strengthen my walk with Him even more so that the fruit that is produced reflects him even greater than I could do on my own. I just want the fragrance and love of Christ to be seen so brightly that I have to even wear a veil like Moses so that it is even approachable.
God has been speaking to me today in the midst of everything. While I was on the return route of my run, the sun was shining and as I looked over to a nearby wall, I saw the reflection of a bird flying overhead. God spoke to me at that moment and told me that he was hiding me in the shadow of his wings, his protection and care were over me. This brought great comfort! Then after my shower I was looking out my window into the backyard. Out looking for food in the ground were two small birds. Again God spoke to me. He reminded me of the passage where Jesus is talking about birds. He said, "They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!" Lk.12:24 God watches over us and takes great care of us. We have nothing to worry about for tomorrow we will find God walking with us once again, just as he is today, providing all that is needed for life and godliness!

Changes, Learning, and Trust.

There is a huge possibility on the horizon of where God may take me. I am not at a place where I feel at liberty to speak of what exactly that looks like, but I am excited to see how God is leading! Stay tuned! There may be more coming soon! One word...Africa.
In about a month, our lease will be up and we'll be vacating our current residence and moving our separate directions. It has just worked out that I'll be really on my own at that point, meaning no roommates, at least not that I know of as of yet, but it's not a bad thing. The problem, if you want to call it that, is that I really don't know where I'm going to be living after the 15th of March...yet. You know what I've learned though, that on the mount of the Lord it will be provided. All that we need is found in Jesus, and He is amply supplied to meet all our needs. Now mind you, I don't always rest on that truth, but tend to worry. This time it's different. Maybe God has been gracious by deepening the roots of trust in me. That certainly is a process of learning to not try to take control myself or freaking out when there is no control. What does worrying get me anyway? So, it's good, and I'm excited to see what door opens up.
On another note, it turns out I'm worse at loving people than I thought. The realization is likened to that of stepping on a nail. It hurts deeply and makes me cry to know that I bum people out, especially when I thought that I was loving them. Even if I think I am doing the right thing and my motives are good, it may be that one of three things can happen. One, it is received well and is a blessing. Two, it is is received but it didn't make much of a difference. Or three, it is received in the complete opposite way that was intended and is offensive. Now I know that we are not in control of how the other party perceives things, or how they react. However, we are responsible for relying on the Spirit to lead us and to love through us. God calls us to love one another. It is a command pure and yet not always so simple. I hate it when a negative is the result of my efforts. One thing I am sure of though, is that God is able to make things right. For that I am grateful. The one thing I do desire is to know the Lord so intimately that I take on more and more of the character of Christ Jesus and reflect him in everything.